Can you imagine being bullied by your own mother? yes this happens and happens a lot, specially in the natural hair community, our mothers grew up thinking that natural curly hair is ugly and unmanageable and they seem to have no problem at all transmitting the message to their kids. I know my mother told me all kinds of crazy things about curly hair, about being black and what colors I should use or not to make me look “decent” and that from a barrio (ghetto). And surprisingly, that still happens now a days and even as an adult, we still carry that heavy weight on our shoulders of what is beautiful and what is not.
Sometimes parents, specially moms, don’t really realize how powerful our comments are and that those comments can determine how our kids feel about themselves and develop a healthy self-esteem. Children with a healthy self esteem that know their strengths and weaknesses can face the challenge of the world better, feel better about themselves and have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative comments.
It is our duty as a parent to build that healthy environment where our curly natural haired girls feel good about themselves and realize that beauty comes in all types and patterns. I asked a question on my Facebook page about how many times they have attempted to go natural and what happened in the process, and one of the girls -a 19 year old one- responded back to me, that she tried 3 times and every time, she was happy with her hair, but her mom made her relax her hair. She says that she even had to move out of the house in order to have her hair natural as she always wanted. This girl touched my heart and I decided to write this post, so if you are a mother, please delete those negative comments about your daughters hair, because guess what? Even as an adult, she will be carrying those feelings with her. Think about it, if our own mother that is supposed to love us and protect us thinks that about us, what will the rest of the world think? will I ever be accepted because of the way I look? Only straight haired girls are beautiful? Do I have to pursue that look, or else will I ever find a job or a husband? It is not just hair, it’s our identity …
Don’t you ever say this to your daughter or any child:
- Your hair looks like a brillo pad.
- You will never find a decent job with that hair
- You look ghetto
- Your hair is unmanageable
- You look like a lion
- you look like witch
- You will never find a boyfriend looking like that
- You look so pretty when you get your hair straight, but with “that hair” you look so ugly
- Your hair is untame
- Did you see your self in the mirror today? what is wrong with your hair?